Hello, Self-Doubt

Thanks to the generosity of my lovely mother-in-law, I’m going to be attending the annual Writer’s Digest Conference in NYC next weekend. I am insanely excited, both for the conference itself and the much-needed mini-vacation. However, the closer I get to my flight next Thursday, the more anxiety I begin to feel as I have to fight off the part of my brain that keeps screaming at me that I’m not a real writer and I have no business attending this conference.

I mean, jesus, is my imposter syndrome laying it on a little too thick or what?

I’m definitely no stranger to self-doubt or insecurities in general, but my brain is freaking out at me just a tad more than usual right now. It doesn’t help to be coming out of a highly-anxious week, but I mean, come on, brain. Give me a break!

The weirdest part, honestly, about how nervous and unreasonably fraudulent I’ve been feeling is that I am currently actively pursuing my passion for writing and making it my top career goal more than I ever have before. I’m back in school with a degree focused entirely on improving my writing, I’ve been maintaining this blog, I’ve been actually writing poetry, I just got into screenwriting, and I’ve even recently begun an internship with an amazing local wedding magazine and have been writing articles for that and getting great feedback on them.

I don’t know what wires are getting crossed in my brain right now, but I am seriously sick of this nagging feeling that I’m not a real writer and only real writers should go to big fancy writing conferences in New York. If that little voice could maybe just shut up for the next couple of weeks, that would be fantastic. Nothing feeds my anxiety like self-doubt and something tells me that “riddled with anxiety and feelings of being a fraud” isn’t a great state to be in when attending conferences and trying to network with people in your desired career field for the first time. I know I’m far from the only person to get anxious and nervous about such an event, so I don’t mean to sound like I’m having some sort of special problem or anything. But I can’t seem to figure out how to shut my brain up right now, so blogging about it felt like a good option to at least let it know I’m aware of what it’s doing to me.

So who else gets the imposter syndrome blues before attending big, industry events, and what do you do to shake them off? ❤

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